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Fear of What

Part of me is afraid of the unknown. And the other part of me is so excited by it.

By nature, I have always been shy and introverted. I have really tried to avoid things. Failure, success, conflict, etc…But as I get older (I just celebrated my 36th birthday), I’m starting to ask myself why am I afraid? Fear of what and why? Who really cares what people think about anything I do or say or feel or act. I think that’s why they say with age comes wisdom. You realize your fears are only things you’ve created in your own head for no real reason.

Jim Carrey says it best “…Now, fear is going to be a player in your life but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future. All there will ever be is what’s happening here and the decisions we make in this moment which are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it. Please. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

I think I’ve let my fear be bigger than my love. I’ve settled for things, especially in my working life. There is no time like the present and the decisions I make today will lead to the future I desire and dream of. I’m learning to grow so that I can do what I love and follow my heart. I’m putting it out in the universe. I love health and food. My desire in my heart is to have my own little cafe. One that focuses on health and wellness through food and love. It is a goal that I hope to one day bring to life. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to grow in my journey to find joy in the everyday.

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Just Start

I was listening to a podcast. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. It’s called the Rise Podcast by Rachel Hollis. She’s a top motivational speaker, New York Times bestseller, and has one of the top podcasts. One of the episodes really hit me hard. It was all about procrastinating and I am the queen of it. I realized that the reason I don’t try things is honestly, fear of failure. I make all the excuses in the book. I was trying to think of why I’m so afraid of failure. And to be honest I think it all started when I was young, when most issues and fears begin. I can’t pinpoint a specific incident, but more like a bunch of incidents that have snowballed into me not doing things because I’m scared. Scared of what other people think, due to the fact I was made fun of and bullied for things like my looks. Now that I have kids of my own, I don’t want them to grow up to be scared of failure and the best way to do that is for me to model it. After listening to my girl Rachel, I decided I’m not letting fear or anything else hold me back. My dream is not to work in a corporate job anymore. I’ve been doing it for too long and feel like it is draining my creativity and my happiness levels. I work in sales support and have done so for over 10 years. What I do like about it is helping people. I have a passion to help others but I want to start helping others find their joy, whether it’s through health, fitness, motherhood, meditation, humor, or inspiration. But first I have to work on finding mine. It is a journey. A journey to find joy. In all the things…everyday. If I learned one thing from Rachel Hollis, it is just to start. So here’s me starting something new without fear of failure, because I will not fear the unknown any longer. I don’t know where this journey to find joy will bring me but I know it will bring me to discovering new things, trying my hardest to live a joyful life, and hopefully meeting a lot of new people along the way!

Any one else starting a new journey?